Would you people mind if I started posting some stuff from my notebook? I'm getting tired of just keeping it in there....cuz it doesn't stay there (in the notebook, above), it's still in my mind. I can't talk about it (I can do the written word. But....speaking. is. IMPOSSIBLE! It never comes out the way i want it to.). So I'll try to blog it.
Plus, i'm running out of things to blog about. and it's monday morning, nothing but cartoon reruns. So.....
Mackenzie gave me the idea. I kinda kept typing and typing on one of her posts (commenting), and realized, I can't keep this in anymore. It can't stay inside anymore. Or else, I won't have room for anything else. So I'm going to let it out...
10:00 PM
July 4, 2010
Today was Sunday*.
A day, for centuries, Christians gathered to celebrate and rejoice in God.
Most of those people have read and enjoyed the Bible.
My reading choice is based on two extremes:
pure fiction, fantasies that will most likely -- if never-- happen;
and pure fact; cold, hard, rational information.
I also like to read a combination of both: pure fiction with real facts embedded.
But religious readings --especially the Bible-- I don't seem interested by.
The reason is this:
Religion and science are seen as one of the major contrasts in the world.
Not to me.
The major contrasting ideas, for me, are: total fiction (as in, "this totally CANNOT happen") and total fact (as in, "this is totally true, there can be no other truth).
These two ideas are as different as night and day; as black and white.
This I like. My world feels in control when I know it's not.
But religion is tricky.
It depends on faith and trust in (my case) God. It means loyalty and honesty.
Religions seem to be like people sometimes.
People are not my fort`e. They are confusing, forever-changing, and doing what you least expect.
Unfortunately, I am a person.
A person born into the time religion and science may meet the climax of their never-ending battle.
A person who loves science and the wonders it brings and explains.
A person whose parents are somewhat religious.
A person whose grown in a community very diverse in religion.
A person who sees religion as neither fact nor fiction; neither black nor white.
Religion is a gray area. Something I don't like. My world the depends on those outer forces (whatever they are); something no one agrees upon; something I'm not sure to trust.
I don't think I deserve religion. I do not have the faith or trust; fidelity or honesty.
I'm just a confused kid living in a confused world.
*I didn't go to church today, got kinda yelled at.
5:40 PM
July 11, 2010
Today was Sunday (again).
This time I went to church...
Bad timing. (maybe...)
Today was all about emotional stability (something I'm pretty sure I lack);
How everything you do is caused by your emotions.
There are two main categories of emotions: postive and negative.
Negative is based on fear.
Positive is based on faith (or trust in God).
At church, I never close my eyes to pray anymore.
I CAN'T.
At church, I can't sing the hymns either.
All I can do is listen and be sorrowful.
I can't seem to do religion.
But I can't go against either.
I felt/feel like a complete outsider.
Ok, I feel better now.
Just tell me if you want more stuff from my notebooks. or if i told u one or two (you know who u are) you can request.
ok, i'm really sick of typing. BYE!
pic: took it myself via webcam :)
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